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One Take Wonders, 21st Century Demo Part 1

by Foot Pound Force

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about

Our writing process usually occurs in real-time. This album is a set of either the only take we have of a song (written as we played it) or in a few cases, the first take we ever played of the song.

Much like an original painting, these are individual works of art. Well, until we actually learn them anyway. Hey, it could happen.

credits

released October 7, 2014

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about

Foot Pound Force Huntsville, Alabama

Foot Pound Force is a Nerd Rock band based in Huntsville Alabama.We're an alloy of Weezer and MC Front-a-lot, with 80% Geek, 15% Rock, and the remainder a mix of musical styles.We've been heat treated to a hardness of F'n Metal Rockwell

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Track Name: Sparkly Bass Boat
Got my sparkly bass boat
Scares all the fishes away
Oh Bob Riley
Sold us out
To Mississippi
On the lock up above the dam I’m fishin’
At sixty five miles an hour
Trolling through the water with my rattle-trap
It’s as big as a baseball bat

Sparkly bass boat
Two hundred sixty five horsepower
Enough hydrophonic load
To reduce all your power

Sparkly bass boat
Fast as you can go
Sparkly bass boat

Testicles hangin’ from my truck
Give myself a bit of luck
Got to find different words to rhyme
We live in the South and they don’t like
When I rhyme with truck too much
Track Name: Caffine
I need caffeine
Stereoisomer
I need caffeine
Stereoisomer

Gimme some of that black powder
Black as gold
Gimme some of that white water
I need to get out of this cold

I need caffeine
Stereoisomer

I need somethin’ to drink
I need hot water
Hot water
Stereoisomer

Oh I need caffeine

Got to get up in the morning
Need something to start my day
Gotta get somethin’ warm
Start it off the way
I need it
I need it now

I need caffeine
Stereoisomer
Trimethylxanthine
Stereoisomer

I need hot water
I need caffeine
Stereoisomer

I got the jitters
I’m in withdrawal
I got my mug with me
I need some water

I need a french press
I need some Starbucks
I need
I need caffeine
(I need)
Right now
Track Name: Dance Dance Hero
I exchanged my quarters for tokens
I went to waste my time at the arcade
I danced all day on the DDR
I shot my gun into the night
Blowing up zombies and aliens
Dancing round magic mushrooms in the night
I played my video games all day
Girls they left me for boys with cars

Dance dance hero, Dance dance hero
Dance dance hero, Dance dance hero
Save the day with a plastic gun
Save the day on the run

I ran out of money
Headed straight for the mall’s wishing well
Pulled my shoes off I rolled up my pants
Waded in and scooped up some quarters
Near the Orange Julius stand
Gone straight back to the arcade
I can’t stay away from the dance
I need to play all night long

Dance dance hero, Dance dance hero
Dance dance hero, Dance dance hero
Save the day with a plastic gun
Save the day on the run

My cell phone is vibrating
Must be my mama looking for me
I’m gonna keep playing this game
The mall ain’t closed yet
That guy behind the counter
Hates taking my tickets for prizes
He tells me to go home
Leave that dance hero alone

Dance dance hero, Dance dance hero
Dance dance hero, Dance dance hero
Save the day with a plastic gun
Save the day on the run

There I was in the mall looking for things to do
Had nothing better out there nothing more for you
Everybody else is going away to school
I just got off my job at the Orange Julius
I need something to do
Or boredom’s gonna set in terminally
I need somewhere else to go
That’s why I became the dance dance hero

Dance dance hero, Dance dance hero
Dance dance hero, Dance dance hero
Save the day with a plastic gun
Save the day on the run
Track Name: Something About Star Wars
Siri drop a fat beat
I…. I… I don’t… I…
drop a fat beat
drop a fat beat
(Oh yes! Yes!)
drop a fat beat

Lock’em up in that carbonite
Keep’em down day and night
My Star Wars dominatrix
Keep’em out on flight patrol
Keep it all flyin’ through the dark cold
Empty vastness of space

The force of Endor stalkin’
Got a big AT-AT and I”m walkin’
Flyin’ on my flyer cycles
I keep the Ewoks walkin’ on the night yo
And this is how it’s startin’
I’m in the forest and I’m gonna light somethin’ up
With my light saber you you think I gotta a life saver
‘Cause I’m gonna drop a tree on your angry neighbor

Lockin’ down these shields tearin’ out your control room
Here I am, Like when things go BOOM
Got the riders and the thought patrol
Your Empire tryin’ to stop my but they can’t make me grow cold
Got signals throughout the multiverse
Tried to light the big bang and then it got worse
That’s right

Know ya’ princess or your sister or your daughter don’t matta
I see you got a big cape and you got a bad hatta but
I can bring it all down in the middle of the senate
(in and out of the Sith)
Let me step up into the cloud bank
Give me just a few more minutes ‘cause I’m goan
Take this Star Wars rap rhymes out of this universe
(take the Star Wars Rap)
(Into the universe)

So an M.C. a long long time ago
(In a galaxy)
Far far away
(In a galaxy)
And if I had object to you
I would blow you away
You know my band, they keepin’ down the rhythm
And I know that you hear it tonight
I’m flyin’ through space on a… something
(It’s a trap!)
(It’s a trap!)
(It’s a trap!)
You can’t repel rhymes of this magnitude
It’s a trap
(It’s a trap!)
It’s a trap
(It’s a trap!)
It’s a Star Wars rap
Of this magnitude

The Empire
Is unpleased
With your lack of
Progress

You say you need more men
This is all you get
You better complete the Death Star
On time

Oh frog voice
Emperor
Is not as forgiving as I am

Before he comes on board
Better dust every nook and cranny

You can’t step through this b-boy in your PVC suit
Where did you learn how to aim ‘cause I see your blaster
And I know that you can’t even shoot
Straight if that is your orientation
You fall down every crevice in your space station
Is there, OSHA safety patrol to your safety patrol
(safety patrol)
It’s like you got procedures that you don’t even know
You let me in even with this out of date control code

I fly my X-Wing yeah this is startin’
I’m gonna launch a torpedo at somethin’
I don’t need a computer to tell me
‘Cause I got the Force
And I’m gonna sell you… somethin’

It’s as big as a womprat
I’m talkin’ ‘bout your momma ‘cause you know that she’s so fat
Like two meters wide
It’s funny how they use imperial units
The metric system’s way older than you think it is

(From a galaxy far, far away)
What I’m tryin’ to say is
Star Wars is in Europe
Star Wars is in Europe
Star Wars is in Europe
(Star Wars is in Europe)
With the European Space Agency

Moisture farmers
Out in the salt flats
Watchin’ out for those sand people
Springin’ traps
Don’t go out and pick those mushrooms
At sun’s rise
You will be kidnapped by the Tuscan raiders
Send that Jedi in to bein’ a hater

Yo Luke and Leia
Better watch out for Darth Vader

Look sir, droids!
They call me “Phaser” ‘cause nothin’ but stun comes out of my lips
Track Name: The Hip Hipster Song
I feel like I need to write a song about hipsters
Like a super hipster song
(super hipster douche bag song?)
Super hipster, maybe douche bag
(or maybe not, just a hipster song)
Maybe not, just a hipster song man
Somthin’ about how I found my glasses
I don’t know
Something upbeat and hipstery
Maybe really ironic lyrics
Maybe somthin’ really cool

Something you’ve never seen before
White boy singing real ghetto lyrics
Ironically, recalling all the 70’s
And the 90’s all in one
Wearin’ ridiculous clothes
My eyeballs don’t even need the glasses on my nose

Ride my fixed gear bicycle through traffic
With my espresso in my hand
Play my synthesizer
In my all synthesizer band
(all synthesizer band)
Where we sample guitars
(ooooohhhh guitars)
And drums from real drums
(drums from)
check out how authentic our samples are
check out how authentic this sounds
my sample band
(my sample band)

My girlfriend’s overly sentimental
And we both live in really hip places
Without any real career goals
(ooohhh career goals)
And I serve gelato
Really good gelato
Strawberry and chocolate avocado
(give me some gelato)
(fancy gelato)
Track Name: Moshpit Bandwidth
Synchronization
Protocol
Connect via wires
Or not

Data streams
Overhead
Packet loss
Insertion’s clean

Hard drive crash
Offsite backup
Tsunami!

Technologies
Designed for
Musicians without PhD’s
Connecting
Multiple computers
CPU’s and monitor streams

I am lost in the bandwidth
Compress
My data stream
I’m lost in the bandwidth

Moshpit Bandwidth
Mosh’n the bandwidth
Moshpit Bandwidth
Moshpit Bandwidth

0’s and 1’s on the floor
Tell me what can you do for more?
Moshpit bandwidth all I see
Is a compressed data stream

0’s and 1’s are movin’ on the floor
I can’t tell you what there gonna do boy
There’s an exit coded
And they’re jammin’ at the door

Moshpit bandwidth

Compression
Algorithm
For the people in the show
Get together and
Send’em data packets
By punching them in the nose

TCP
Of a bar fight
Past peer’s a CRC

Open up the gates
Sell the ticket straight
Make sure the DNS says
Rockin’ out with me!

Moshpit
Moshpit bandwidth
Moshpit bandwidth
Moshpit bandwidth

Traffic hijacked
Bad proxy
Your face is a 404
You tried to crowd surf
And missed the hands
And now you’re on the floor

A cheat code delivered
Script kiddy at the show
Sneakin’ in through the back door
Meet the security forces
My big iron
My reel-to-reel at the door

Moshpit bandwidth
Moshpit bandwidth
Moshpit bandwidth

Some guy with a mic
Phish’n your site
Makin’ sure he’s got the traffic
Don’t give him a password
He’ll take your show
And sell it to
Identity thieves

But he’s not the threat
I’m pinged every night
By someone who’s Chinese

Moshpit bandwidth
Moshpit bandwidth
Moshpit bandwidth
Moshpit bandwidth
Track Name: The Spectrum
The spectrum is rainbow
The spectrum is rainbow

What are they doing
To our water and oxygen supply?

There used to be rainbows
Up in the sky
There used to only be around the sun and our moon
But why are they at my eye level?

You know the spectrum is rainbows
The spectrum is rainbows
The spectrum
Is all over us

Well, we all came from
A dinosaur riding prophet
And who are you to argue otherwise
I can’t escape the raptors in the hall
And I can’t get out of here
They’re all around

The spectrum is rainbows
The spectrum is rainbows
The spectrum is all around us
The spectrum is all around us

Metallica-ized salts
And fluoridated water
What are they doing to my head?
This must be the government
It’s gotta be the government
Screwing us all again

The spectrum
The spectrum
Is rainbows
(The spectrum is)
The spectrum
The spectrum is rainbows
The spectrum
The spectrum is rainbows
Track Name: Dr. Mario's Medicine Cabinet
I’d like to write a song about this cabinet up my ass

Got a cabinet
Up my ass
It’s got a joystick
I like to twiddle it fast
Every time
It gets the chance
It likes to swivel its wood
Into my pants

I tried to play Mrs. PacMan on this cabinet once
It didn’t let me ‘cause I don’t think it was on
But I still tried playing my hand
And I think I just wound up crazy instead

Powpow pow pow pow power pellets
(gobble’em up)
(gobble’em up)
Get your ghosts
(gobble’em up)
Turn them blue
(gobble’em up)
(gobble’em up)

Those of you old enough to remember
Atari 2600
Blocky graphics all the way
But we wanted to keep playing

I played Pit Hunter
And liked it
Pixels
I need five
To tell me who I am

So is that game in Breakout
Is that a ball
Or a little square?

I need pixels
To tell me who I am

Mario
Eats the yellow-orange mushroom
Mario
He grows

I wish I was Mario
So I could get high on mushrooms
And stomp on every turtle
That came across my room

One up is a green mushroom
One up is the green mushroom

I would run across the clouds
With the fish flying past my face
(Where do I put all these coins?)
And when they finally found me
I would be in first place
On the standings

I got some pills from his cousin
Dr. Mario

All he told me was
Don’t treat it like Tetris

I didn’t know what to do
So I took those pills
And I got messed up
More than I’d ever been
But then somebody
Put more pills down
And I finally got free of them

Tell me Dr. Mario,
What’ve I got?

You’ve got the clap

Tell me Dr. Mario,
What I got?

You’ve got the clap

You gotta a pill for that?

I gotta pill for that

Do I stack it in this bottle here?

No you take three a day
Track Name: Robot Guitar
For all I know my guitar is a robot
It transforms into a robot!

At night my guitar transforms
Into a robot of doom
It has magical powers
And it can defeat evil robot with ease
It shoots rockets out of its neck
It has treads that come out of the bridge

My robot guiltar
(man that’s going to be terrible)
My robot guiltar
My robot guitar
Can defeat you

My robot guitar
Landed from the stars
Came from outer space
Smacked me on the face
I’ve never been the same
My robot guitar it has a name its
Guitar!!!!!

My bass is a robot
It transforms at night
And joins the robot guitar
In a quest
In a battle against evil
(Evil in the form of bands that suck!)
Watch out Dokken!
(They’re coming for you!)

My robot bass
Has special powers
The strings turn into electric whips
Touch anybody their fried
(It makes them shake their hips)

The eyes in the room
Are lookin’ at the star
Their butts are all shakin’
To the bass guitar

My guitar shoots lasers
Of pure solid rock!
They will hit you
And make you….
Dance like a… jock
Right in the cock

But then my robot guitar
Can’t stand up to the most
Powerful robotic instrument of all
The robotic drums!
Played by animatronic robot thumbs
Makes mad beats that make the street shake
It’s name is earthquake!

It beats up drum machines wherever it goes
Because drum machines
Have no soul

Of course everything is perfect
In a drum machine
Of course everything is perfect
When you have no soul
Track Name: Weather Dominator
On the island of no return I wept
Not gonna see my baby unless I get home yeah
I’m chasin’ after pieces of something I don’t get
I guess I’ll have to see you later, weather dominator

Weather dominator

I’m freezin’ off my nutsack in the arctic
Hope it’s worth my time to get this right back
I need to get somethin’ out of that ice crack
I need to find somethin’ better
Than a weather dominator

(Than a weather dominator)
Dominate me now
Weather dominator
Bring me a cloud

Got a thunder machine
Rainin’ on me
I got a thunder machine
Rainin’ on me

Weather dominator
Dominate me now
Weather dominator
Get rid of these clouds

I’m fightin’ for your tax dollars
Mercenary armor sell our father
Runnin’ guns and runnin’ dollars
Fightin’ for a Cobra commander
Bring me some weather, weather machine
I bring the thunder that you see
I brought the rain down in your life
And I’m bringin’ back whatever is right

Weather dominator
Dominate me now
Weather dominator
Bring me some clouds
Mad scientist
Bring me some mists
That scientist
Why are you so pissed?
Track Name: iStalker
My cell phone can’t fly
Why did they put it on Airplane Mode
Steve Jobs you lied
This thing can’t transform
Why do you make me pay so much
For your poor computer products
And why does everything from Dell
Always give me hell

I need some memory sticks
To carry my files with me
Wherever I go
I look in the files what they are I don’t know
I touch the internet
And catch all the viruses
I follow your setlist on Bandcamp

Steve Jobs why are you following me
Why you follow me (Steve Jobs)
Creeping me out
Why are you following me

Do you need to know where
I get my coffee from
I have to confess
It’s usually Starbucks
Now I really, I really like
My local coffee shop
But they take like five minutes
To make a latte

Steve Jobs why you following me
Why you following me (Steve Jobs)
Creeping me out
Why you following me (Steve Jobs)
Creeping me out

Creeping me out
Why are you following me
Steve Jobs
Creeping me me out

Jeff Bezos
Why do you need to know what songs I download
I wanna buy my books and be left alone
Left me alone Jeff Bezos
And go hang out with Steve Jobs
And Mark Zuckerberg
Why do you need to share me around
Do you have to know where I’ve been all over town
You know where you are
Foursquare (amusing?) twenty five years ago
Everybody wants to know

Do you give up all your personal information
The only place you’re still allowed
Is on the Cloud
All allowed on the Cloud
All allowed on the Cloud
All allowed on the Cloud
Track Name: Iff There is a Song
I write haiku about everything
I walked down the streets with you
And begin to sing
There is a song
In everything I see
Something to rhyme with
Everything I need

I surf the internet for memes
So I can get up in your areas
I sparkle like the kings
Three hundred year old

I subvert all your norms
And keep them written in ballad form
How do I tell you things I feel
I’m locked up in worlds that never seem real

If only I had
If only I had things to say
If only I had
If only I had the word to get away
If only I could
If only I could convince you of
The point of nature are not the points you're thinking of

I am one of with the world
Finding things to rhyme
I am one with all the songs that I find

I’m searchin’ for some answers
But I don’t think they’re gonna come
I need to find a way to come back when
Could have kept from goin’ wrong

Break it open
There’s a song in everything
Crack a smile
There’s a good reason to sing
Look at all the people passing everything by
They don’t know the words to their brand new life
Track Name: Evil Double Rainbow
My rainbow machine
Double rainbow finally works
My evil plans have come to fruition
Now I can take over the Earth
My funding from the Glenn Beck show
Finally bought the hardware I need from the Chinese
And now I can sell all the gold
That I find at the end of my

Evil Double Rainbow
Evil Double Rainbow
Evil Double Rainbow

My metallic oxide salts are finally poisoning our oxygen supply
I’ve finally taken over the (organs to your body slogan(?))
The consequences will never be the same
I back traced your IP address and now I know your name
I’ve given you to the cyber police
They’ll prosecute you with the law against cyber police
But you don’t know my name
We are legion
And we all look the same

My evil double rainbow
My evil rainbow machine
My evil double rainbow

Double rainbow
Evil double rainbow
My evil double rainbow machine
Is the reason you should give those tickets to me
Boing Boing Magazine
Track Name: The GNU Tribe
A tribe of marching electrons
A new form of electron
The next step of evolution
We are a tribe of wifi-vores
We seek out spots of hotness
To find our way to botness
We’re robots of love
We do things above it all
The next step of a new life form
We eat our way to wifi hotness
We are the next step

There will come a time in the future
When life is not complete without
The DNA of isolinear
The world is overrun
By robots of fun
Taking power from the sun
We make man on the run

Become so dependent
On technology it ended
The GPS crashed
They could not read a map

When first there came the wireless device
Tethered to your hand
Walking round and texting away
Running into traffic
Next there came the implant
A touchscreen in your head
Why bother with devices can get lost
Then there came the network
Run from a cloud
Then came well you know the rest
Cause that supernova fried the test

We are overrun
By robots made of fun
Taking energy from the sun
Keeping humans on the run
Track Name: The Juice
I watched I Dream of Jeannie
And I got confused with Harry Potter
Why do, why do vampires always sparkle

(Because I like people)
(I just don’t like people)
(I like the juice inside them)
I like the juice inside them
I like the juice inside them

I’m just an oversized spider
Eating people wherever I go

Don’t make fun of me
Because I have
Crazy movements at a stroke in my brizzane

I don’t just like people
I like the juice inside them
I don’t like people
I like the juice inside them
I like the juice inside them

Souless job servin’ burgers
Feeding you food while you’re awake
I’m waitin’ for an opportunity
To make your insides melt away

I don’t like people
I like the juice inside them
I don’t like people
I like the juice inside them
I like the juice inside them

Eat more hot pockets
Eat more hot pockets every day
Fatten you up for the slaughter
Just because I’m addicted to
Those preservatives inside you
(Walkin’ hot pocket)

I don’t like people
I like the juice inside them
I don’t like people
I like the juice inside them
Track Name: Epic Fail
I need you with my healing
But I didn’t get enough life
Epic fail, epic fail
Epic fail, I rolled a 1!
Epic fail

Get a brain Morannes
Get a brain Moranne

I duct taped my house to my car
I pumped the toilet into my seat
I’m towin’ a trailer behind
With a tractor and my three year old

Epic fail
Oh epic fail
Oh epic fail

I translated a sign that said
“Don’t translate”
I wrote my name
In the back hair of a wrestler
And then I called him a fake

Oh epic fail, epic fail, epic fail
Epic fail, I rolled a 1!

I took a picture of myself in the bathroom
But I did not flush the toilet
Took a picture of myself with a girl
But I did not know her age

Epic fail, I rolled a 1
Epic fail, I rolled a 1