Got my sparkly bass boat Scares all the fishes away Oh Bob Riley Sold us out To Mississippi On the lock up above the dam I’m fishin’ At sixty five miles an hour Trolling through the water with my rattle-trap It’s as big as a baseball bat Sparkly bass boat Two hundred sixty five horsepower Enough hydrophonic load To reduce all your power Sparkly bass boat Fast as you can go Sparkly bass boat Testicles hangin’ from my truck Give myself a bit of luck Got to find different words to rhyme We live in the South and they don’t like When I rhyme with truck too much

I need caffeine Stereoisomer I need caffeine Stereoisomer Gimme some of that black powder Black as gold Gimme some of that white water I need to get out of this cold I need caffeine Stereoisomer I need somethin’ to drink I need hot water Hot water Stereoisomer Oh I need caffeine Got to get up in the morning Need something to start my day Gotta get somethin’ warm Start it off the way I need it I need it now I need caffeine Stereoisomer Trimethylxanthine Stereoisomer I need hot water I need caffeine Stereoisomer I got the jitters I’m in withdrawal I got my mug with me I need some water I need a french press I need some Starbucks I need I need caffeine (I need) Right now

I exchanged my quarters for tokens I went to waste my time at the arcade I danced all day on the DDR I shot my gun into the night Blowing up zombies and aliens Dancing round magic mushrooms in the night I played my video games all day Girls they left me for boys with cars Dance dance hero, Dance dance hero Dance dance hero, Dance dance hero Save the day with a plastic gun Save the day on the run I ran out of money Headed straight for the mall’s wishing well Pulled my shoes off I rolled up my pants Waded in and scooped up some quarters Near the Orange Julius stand Gone straight back to the arcade I can’t stay away from the dance I need to play all night long Dance dance hero, Dance dance hero Dance dance hero, Dance dance hero Save the day with a plastic gun Save the day on the run My cell phone is vibrating Must be my mama looking for me I’m gonna keep playing this game The mall ain’t closed yet That guy behind the counter Hates taking my tickets for prizes He tells me to go home Leave that dance hero alone Dance dance hero, Dance dance hero Dance dance hero, Dance dance hero Save the day with a plastic gun Save the day on the run There I was in the mall looking for things to do Had nothing better out there nothing more for you Everybody else is going away to school I just got off my job at the Orange Julius I need something to do Or boredom’s gonna set in terminally I need somewhere else to go That’s why I became the dance dance hero Dance dance hero, Dance dance hero Dance dance hero, Dance dance hero Save the day with a plastic gun Save the day on the run

Siri drop a fat beat I…. I… I don’t… I… drop a fat beat drop a fat beat (Oh yes! Yes!) drop a fat beat Lock’em up in that carbonite Keep’em down day and night My Star Wars dominatrix Keep’em out on flight patrol Keep it all flyin’ through the dark cold Empty vastness of space The force of Endor stalkin’ Got a big AT-AT and I”m walkin’ Flyin’ on my flyer cycles I keep the Ewoks walkin’ on the night yo And this is how it’s startin’ I’m in the forest and I’m gonna light somethin’ up With my light saber you you think I gotta a life saver ‘Cause I’m gonna drop a tree on your angry neighbor Lockin’ down these shields tearin’ out your control room Here I am, Like when things go BOOM Got the riders and the thought patrol Your Empire tryin’ to stop my but they can’t make me grow cold Got signals throughout the multiverse Tried to light the big bang and then it got worse That’s right Know ya’ princess or your sister or your daughter don’t matta I see you got a big cape and you got a bad hatta but I can bring it all down in the middle of the senate (in and out of the Sith) Let me step up into the cloud bank Give me just a few more minutes ‘cause I’m goan Take this Star Wars rap rhymes out of this universe (take the Star Wars Rap) (Into the universe) So an M.C. a long long time ago (In a galaxy) Far far away (In a galaxy) And if I had object to you I would blow you away You know my band, they keepin’ down the rhythm And I know that you hear it tonight I’m flyin’ through space on a… something (It’s a trap!) (It’s a trap!) (It’s a trap!) You can’t repel rhymes of this magnitude It’s a trap (It’s a trap!) It’s a trap (It’s a trap!) It’s a Star Wars rap Of this magnitude The Empire Is unpleased With your lack of Progress You say you need more men This is all you get You better complete the Death Star On time Oh frog voice Emperor Is not as forgiving as I am Before he comes on board Better dust every nook and cranny You can’t step through this b-boy in your PVC suit Where did you learn how to aim ‘cause I see your blaster And I know that you can’t even shoot Straight if that is your orientation You fall down every crevice in your space station Is there, OSHA safety patrol to your safety patrol (safety patrol) It’s like you got procedures that you don’t even know You let me in even with this out of date control code I fly my X-Wing yeah this is startin’ I’m gonna launch a torpedo at somethin’ I don’t need a computer to tell me ‘Cause I got the Force And I’m gonna sell you… somethin’ It’s as big as a womprat I’m talkin’ ‘bout your momma ‘cause you know that she’s so fat Like two meters wide It’s funny how they use imperial units The metric system’s way older than you think it is (From a galaxy far, far away) What I’m tryin’ to say is Star Wars is in Europe Star Wars is in Europe Star Wars is in Europe (Star Wars is in Europe) With the European Space Agency Moisture farmers Out in the salt flats Watchin’ out for those sand people Springin’ traps Don’t go out and pick those mushrooms At sun’s rise You will be kidnapped by the Tuscan raiders Send that Jedi in to bein’ a hater Yo Luke and Leia Better watch out for Darth Vader Look sir, droids! They call me “Phaser” ‘cause nothin’ but stun comes out of my lips

I feel like I need to write a song about hipsters Like a super hipster song (super hipster douche bag song?) Super hipster, maybe douche bag (or maybe not, just a hipster song) Maybe not, just a hipster song man Somthin’ about how I found my glasses I don’t know Something upbeat and hipstery Maybe really ironic lyrics Maybe somthin’ really cool Something you’ve never seen before White boy singing real ghetto lyrics Ironically, recalling all the 70’s And the 90’s all in one Wearin’ ridiculous clothes My eyeballs don’t even need the glasses on my nose Ride my fixed gear bicycle through traffic With my espresso in my hand Play my synthesizer In my all synthesizer band (all synthesizer band) Where we sample guitars (ooooohhhh guitars) And drums from real drums (drums from) check out how authentic our samples are check out how authentic this sounds my sample band (my sample band) My girlfriend’s overly sentimental And we both live in really hip places Without any real career goals (ooohhh career goals) And I serve gelato Really good gelato Strawberry and chocolate avocado (give me some gelato) (fancy gelato)

Synchronization Protocol Connect via wires Or not Data streams Overhead Packet loss Insertion’s clean Hard drive crash Offsite backup Tsunami! Technologies Designed for Musicians without PhD’s Connecting Multiple computers CPU’s and monitor streams I am lost in the bandwidth Compress My data stream I’m lost in the bandwidth Moshpit Bandwidth Mosh’n the bandwidth Moshpit Bandwidth Moshpit Bandwidth 0’s and 1’s on the floor Tell me what can you do for more? Moshpit bandwidth all I see Is a compressed data stream 0’s and 1’s are movin’ on the floor I can’t tell you what there gonna do boy There’s an exit coded And they’re jammin’ at the door Moshpit bandwidth Compression Algorithm For the people in the show Get together and Send’em data packets By punching them in the nose TCP Of a bar fight Past peer’s a CRC Open up the gates Sell the ticket straight Make sure the DNS says Rockin’ out with me! Moshpit Moshpit bandwidth Moshpit bandwidth Moshpit bandwidth Traffic hijacked Bad proxy Your face is a 404 You tried to crowd surf And missed the hands And now you’re on the floor A cheat code delivered Script kiddy at the show Sneakin’ in through the back door Meet the security forces My big iron My reel-to-reel at the door Moshpit bandwidth Moshpit bandwidth Moshpit bandwidth Some guy with a mic Phish’n your site Makin’ sure he’s got the traffic Don’t give him a password He’ll take your show And sell it to Identity thieves But he’s not the threat I’m pinged every night By someone who’s Chinese Moshpit bandwidth Moshpit bandwidth Moshpit bandwidth Moshpit bandwidth

The spectrum is rainbow The spectrum is rainbow What are they doing To our water and oxygen supply? There used to be rainbows Up in the sky There used to only be around the sun and our moon But why are they at my eye level? You know the spectrum is rainbows The spectrum is rainbows The spectrum Is all over us Well, we all came from A dinosaur riding prophet And who are you to argue otherwise I can’t escape the raptors in the hall And I can’t get out of here They’re all around The spectrum is rainbows The spectrum is rainbows The spectrum is all around us The spectrum is all around us Metallica-ized salts And fluoridated water What are they doing to my head? This must be the government It’s gotta be the government Screwing us all again The spectrum The spectrum Is rainbows (The spectrum is) The spectrum The spectrum is rainbows The spectrum The spectrum is rainbows

I’d like to write a song about this cabinet up my ass Got a cabinet Up my ass It’s got a joystick I like to twiddle it fast Every time It gets the chance It likes to swivel its wood Into my pants I tried to play Mrs. PacMan on this cabinet once It didn’t let me ‘cause I don’t think it was on But I still tried playing my hand And I think I just wound up crazy instead Powpow pow pow pow power pellets (gobble’em up) (gobble’em up) Get your ghosts (gobble’em up) Turn them blue (gobble’em up) (gobble’em up) Those of you old enough to remember Atari 2600 Blocky graphics all the way But we wanted to keep playing I played Pit Hunter And liked it Pixels I need five To tell me who I am So is that game in Breakout Is that a ball Or a little square? I need pixels To tell me who I am Mario Eats the yellow-orange mushroom Mario He grows I wish I was Mario So I could get high on mushrooms And stomp on every turtle That came across my room One up is a green mushroom One up is the green mushroom I would run across the clouds With the fish flying past my face (Where do I put all these coins?) And when they finally found me I would be in first place On the standings I got some pills from his cousin Dr. Mario All he told me was Don’t treat it like Tetris I didn’t know what to do So I took those pills And I got messed up More than I’d ever been But then somebody Put more pills down And I finally got free of them Tell me Dr. Mario, What’ve I got? You’ve got the clap Tell me Dr. Mario, What I got? You’ve got the clap You gotta a pill for that? I gotta pill for that Do I stack it in this bottle here? No you take three a day

For all I know my guitar is a robot It transforms into a robot! At night my guitar transforms Into a robot of doom It has magical powers And it can defeat evil robot with ease It shoots rockets out of its neck It has treads that come out of the bridge My robot guiltar (man that’s going to be terrible) My robot guiltar My robot guitar Can defeat you My robot guitar Landed from the stars Came from outer space Smacked me on the face I’ve never been the same My robot guitar it has a name its Guitar!!!!! My bass is a robot It transforms at night And joins the robot guitar In a quest In a battle against evil (Evil in the form of bands that suck!) Watch out Dokken! (They’re coming for you!) My robot bass Has special powers The strings turn into electric whips Touch anybody their fried (It makes them shake their hips) The eyes in the room Are lookin’ at the star Their butts are all shakin’ To the bass guitar My guitar shoots lasers Of pure solid rock! They will hit you And make you…. Dance like a… jock Right in the cock But then my robot guitar Can’t stand up to the most Powerful robotic instrument of all The robotic drums! Played by animatronic robot thumbs Makes mad beats that make the street shake It’s name is earthquake! It beats up drum machines wherever it goes Because drum machines Have no soul Of course everything is perfect In a drum machine Of course everything is perfect When you have no soul

On the island of no return I wept Not gonna see my baby unless I get home yeah I’m chasin’ after pieces of something I don’t get I guess I’ll have to see you later, weather dominator Weather dominator I’m freezin’ off my nutsack in the arctic Hope it’s worth my time to get this right back I need to get somethin’ out of that ice crack I need to find somethin’ better Than a weather dominator (Than a weather dominator) Dominate me now Weather dominator Bring me a cloud Got a thunder machine Rainin’ on me I got a thunder machine Rainin’ on me Weather dominator Dominate me now Weather dominator Get rid of these clouds I’m fightin’ for your tax dollars Mercenary armor sell our father Runnin’ guns and runnin’ dollars Fightin’ for a Cobra commander Bring me some weather, weather machine I bring the thunder that you see I brought the rain down in your life And I’m bringin’ back whatever is right Weather dominator Dominate me now Weather dominator Bring me some clouds Mad scientist Bring me some mists That scientist Why are you so pissed?

My cell phone can’t fly Why did they put it on Airplane Mode Steve Jobs you lied This thing can’t transform Why do you make me pay so much For your poor computer products And why does everything from Dell Always give me hell I need some memory sticks To carry my files with me Wherever I go I look in the files what they are I don’t know I touch the internet And catch all the viruses I follow your setlist on Bandcamp Steve Jobs why are you following me Why you follow me (Steve Jobs) Creeping me out Why are you following me Do you need to know where I get my coffee from I have to confess It’s usually Starbucks Now I really, I really like My local coffee shop But they take like five minutes To make a latte Steve Jobs why you following me Why you following me (Steve Jobs) Creeping me out Why you following me (Steve Jobs) Creeping me out Creeping me out Why are you following me Steve Jobs Creeping me me out Jeff Bezos Why do you need to know what songs I download I wanna buy my books and be left alone Left me alone Jeff Bezos And go hang out with Steve Jobs And Mark Zuckerberg Why do you need to share me around Do you have to know where I’ve been all over town You know where you are Foursquare (amusing?) twenty five years ago Everybody wants to know Do you give up all your personal information The only place you’re still allowed Is on the Cloud All allowed on the Cloud All allowed on the Cloud All allowed on the Cloud

I write haiku about everything I walked down the streets with you And begin to sing There is a song In everything I see Something to rhyme with Everything I need I surf the internet for memes So I can get up in your areas I sparkle like the kings Three hundred year old I subvert all your norms And keep them written in ballad form How do I tell you things I feel I’m locked up in worlds that never seem real If only I had If only I had things to say If only I had If only I had the word to get away If only I could If only I could convince you of The point of nature are not the points you're thinking of I am one of with the world Finding things to rhyme I am one with all the songs that I find I’m searchin’ for some answers But I don’t think they’re gonna come I need to find a way to come back when Could have kept from goin’ wrong Break it open There’s a song in everything Crack a smile There’s a good reason to sing Look at all the people passing everything by They don’t know the words to their brand new life

My rainbow machine Double rainbow finally works My evil plans have come to fruition Now I can take over the Earth My funding from the Glenn Beck show Finally bought the hardware I need from the Chinese And now I can sell all the gold That I find at the end of my Evil Double Rainbow Evil Double Rainbow Evil Double Rainbow My metallic oxide salts are finally poisoning our oxygen supply I’ve finally taken over the (organs to your body slogan(?)) The consequences will never be the same I back traced your IP address and now I know your name I’ve given you to the cyber police They’ll prosecute you with the law against cyber police But you don’t know my name We are legion And we all look the same My evil double rainbow My evil rainbow machine My evil double rainbow Double rainbow Evil double rainbow My evil double rainbow machine Is the reason you should give those tickets to me Boing Boing Magazine

A tribe of marching electrons A new form of electron The next step of evolution We are a tribe of wifi-vores We seek out spots of hotness To find our way to botness We’re robots of love We do things above it all The next step of a new life form We eat our way to wifi hotness We are the next step There will come a time in the future When life is not complete without The DNA of isolinear The world is overrun By robots of fun Taking power from the sun We make man on the run Become so dependent On technology it ended The GPS crashed They could not read a map When first there came the wireless device Tethered to your hand Walking round and texting away Running into traffic Next there came the implant A touchscreen in your head Why bother with devices can get lost Then there came the network Run from a cloud Then came well you know the rest Cause that supernova fried the test We are overrun By robots made of fun Taking energy from the sun Keeping humans on the run

I watched I Dream of Jeannie And I got confused with Harry Potter Why do, why do vampires always sparkle (Because I like people) (I just don’t like people) (I like the juice inside them) I like the juice inside them I like the juice inside them I’m just an oversized spider Eating people wherever I go Don’t make fun of me Because I have Crazy movements at a stroke in my brizzane I don’t just like people I like the juice inside them I don’t like people I like the juice inside them I like the juice inside them Souless job servin’ burgers Feeding you food while you’re awake I’m waitin’ for an opportunity To make your insides melt away I don’t like people I like the juice inside them I don’t like people I like the juice inside them I like the juice inside them Eat more hot pockets Eat more hot pockets every day Fatten you up for the slaughter Just because I’m addicted to Those preservatives inside you (Walkin’ hot pocket) I don’t like people I like the juice inside them I don’t like people I like the juice inside them

I need you with my healing But I didn’t get enough life Epic fail, epic fail Epic fail, I rolled a 1! Epic fail Get a brain Morannes Get a brain Moranne I duct taped my house to my car I pumped the toilet into my seat I’m towin’ a trailer behind With a tractor and my three year old Epic fail Oh epic fail Oh epic fail I translated a sign that said “Don’t translate” I wrote my name In the back hair of a wrestler And then I called him a fake Oh epic fail, epic fail, epic fail Epic fail, I rolled a 1! I took a picture of myself in the bathroom But I did not flush the toilet Took a picture of myself with a girl But I did not know her age Epic fail, I rolled a 1 Epic fail, I rolled a 1