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We Live! 2013

by Foot Pound Force

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about

This album is a collection of live recordings from DragonCon and ChargerCon 2013.

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released August 28, 2014

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about

Foot Pound Force Huntsville, Alabama

Foot Pound Force is a Nerd Rock band based in Huntsville Alabama.We're an alloy of Weezer and MC Front-a-lot, with 80% Geek, 15% Rock, and the remainder a mix of musical styles.We've been heat treated to a hardness of F'n Metal Rockwell

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Track Name: Zombie Girlfriend
My zombie prostitute
Is oh so beautiful
no one gives head
like a hooker that's dead

I would never say
that she was dried up and loose
and I've never met a girl
so willing to wear a noose

If I could take her home
I'd be a happy man
I would hold her in my arms
while she gnaws upon my hand

My zombie hooker
is quite a lovely snack
she is so amazing
I don't mind when she bites back

every time I snuggle her
She goes for my jugular
She is so amazing
Oh my vision is hazing

Yesterday I just wanted in her bed
No I just want to bite someones head

My zombie girlfriend
she left me in pain
now I'm all empty inside
I need to find some BRAIIIIIIIIIINS

Undead Zombie girlfriend
killin me again
undead zombie hookers
don't need you as a friend

Ending:
Run Run Run for your lives
Zombie hookers out to get your zombie wives
Grab your kids and head down to the mall
Do have to drive fast, they can only crawl

Take a shot but aim for their eyes
That’s the only way to survive
You don’t get second tries
Gotta keep your family alive

Grab some ammo and a shovel or two
Gotta get them, before they bite you
Smack em hard right in the face
Oh my god it’s the end of the human race
Track Name: You are in Character
Down at the park
Playin' my LARP
Don't mess with me
I'm in my character's sheet

Here are the rules my friend
in this live action game
remember that, it's a masquerade
You’re usin a made up name

Don’t say hi
If your buddies cruise by
their not in the game
You don’t know their name

You are in character
(You are in character)
You are in character
(You're in character)

If you're not happy with
the people you love
You can't really suck their blood
If real life ain’t good enough

That's why I'm in the park
In character
(In character)
In character

Remember when
you're in character
to feed off homeless men
you might get a dose
of mouthwash or heroin

Watch out for those hippies playin'
in their drum circles
they might, want, you to, join
in there, fun (jerks)

But remember,
Vampires don't drum
(because vampires don't have rhythm)
Vampires don't have rhythm
and Zombies can't strum
a zombie vampire band
wouldn't be much fun
(uuuuuuuuhgggghhh)

That's why I'm in character
that's right I'm in character
I can't tell you who I am
I'm secretly a woman, oh
and I can't acknowledge who you are
'cause I'm in character

In character
In character
(In character)
In character
(In character now)
In character
In character
Track Name: Bacon Machine
When I walked into the light
From the bail bondsmen place
I had to get that feelin right (forget about my plight)
I needed somethin greasy in my face

Well I was just about as low as I could get
I needed some food and I needed it quick
So I jumped into the bathroom of the nearest Krispy Kreme
and what did I see on the wall but a bacon machine

Chorus:
Bacon machine
dispense your meat to me
Bacon machine
give me some lard to go with my krispy Kreme

I need some bacon in my life
I've been eatin'
that healthy shit too long
If pork isn't right
What could ever be wrong

I see that white box machine
with instruction so clear and clean
outstretch you hands and here it comes
Press button and receive bacon

*Bacon scat*
Receive bacon

Bridge :
I put out my hands
and I wait patiently

I pressed the button
but still I do not see

that sound rushes past my ear
I've found an empty bacon machine I fear

bacon machine
how do I please you
If this one must be broke
I'm off to the next public restroom

Bacon machine
dispense your meat to me
Bacon machine
give me some lard to go with my krispy Kreme

bacon machine
why don't you dispense your bacon to me
Bacon god deliver me
some of your sweet fatty meat

If this bacon machine
Won’t dispense it’s meat
If this bacon machine
Is empty

I guess I’mma have to stroll on down the street
And find myself the next Krispy Kreme
Track Name: TV Kiss
I stayed home from school the other day
So I could be alone with you
I couldn't think of any other way
to keep other boys from watching too

Camera man, don't get the angles wrong
I'm waiting for my girl to come onscreen
I've waited for this moment oh so long
You don't know how hard it's been

I waited all afternoon for this
Oh don't let me down, my TV Kiss
This is a moment I don't want to miss
Oh Come to me my TV Kiss

lay my lips on the static
This is the way it always happens
My TV dreams come so alive
when your pixels meet my saliva

I brush away your hair
but only push through the air
It's just like in my dreams
but you're so much flatter than it seems

I waited all afternoon for this
Oh don't let me down, my TV Kiss
This is a moment I don't want to miss
Oh Come to me my TV Kiss

I'm waitin for deanna troy
She sucked from my life all the joy
I can't be with any other chick
Who isn't brilliant and empathic

She comes on screen
With her boyfriend from LA
I want him to put on a red shirt
And just go away

I waited all afternoon for this
Oh don't let me down, my TV Kiss
This is a moment I don't want to miss
Oh Come to me my TV Kiss
Track Name: Famous on teh Internet
you know you wanted
to be famous before you're thirty
it's not gonna happen
you've always been way too nerdy

there's only like a hundred
people who are famous you know
you can't be one of them
without your own tv show

You're not good enough lookin
And your voice sucks like brook Hogan
And your dadddy wasn't famous was he?
that's why you'll spend your life workin

Your not smart enough
to get famous for whoring out
but if you want some lessons
just give paris a shout

we're gonna be famous on the internet
we'll make it happen
we just don't know how yet

watch our video play on youtube
we'll dance around in tutu's
then maybe our album will get picked up by a label
and then I'll ride out of this soup of mediocrity on a ladle

my limosine will be a hundred feet long
it'll have a pool filled with ladies in thongs

I write songs that make fun of everyone
All of my friends think I'm a pain in the neck
well I got newsfor all of the:
better belive that they're next

We're gonna blow up real huge on the internet
and be the next big thing
We're gonna be famous on the internet
everybody click on my link

Write a blog or a status update
tell us all the things you love to hate
It's a massive case of internet narcissisum
We're gonna have to reboot the entire system

Your too stupid to understand
your only a single grain of sand
washed up on the beach of everyman
Your 140 characters aren't that important

you know you wanted
to be famous before you're twenty eight
Track Name: Waffles
Intro Rant:
One day I woke up
8 PM
sleepin' off a hangover
from the previous night

My old lady walked into the room
she said "I'm hungry, we gotta get some waffles"
at 8PM I said, "No time like the present"

I don't know we kind of waffles
It's hard to talk about waffles
I mean waffles don't really do anything
I mean they kind of just sit on your plate
They fill up little pockets with syrup
I know, and then butter
I like to cut mine into little triangles
and then eat them up
one triangle at a time

I once had a pair of bugle boy pants
and I wore them into a gas station
and this story has nothing to do with waffles
but the lady at the gas station said,
"By any chance are those bugle boy pants you're wearing?"
and I said
"Why yes they are"
And that's the real story of this song

Chorus:
(Because) you have to wear pants
to get waffles
You gotta wear pants
to get waffles
they said no shoes, no service
but if you don't wear pants
you'll get thrown out on your ass

Waffles don't really do much
They just sit and soak up syrup
When you gotta start your day
and you don't know quite how
gotta get a waffle
get a waffle right now

However you eat em
who ever you am
syrup and butter
or strawberry jam
Whenever you want em
wherever you go
really high class
or really low
only one rule
you have to pass
if you want a waffle
gotta cover your ass

(Chorus)

Oh My pants
Are bugle boy slacks
I wear my khakis
And tilt my baseball cap back

I wear shoes
whereever I go
when I gotta get my waffle right
can't be barefoot on the floor

But . . .
if you have a waffle iron
and some batter in a bowl
You ain't got a wear a thihg
even pants are optional

I can make waffles
with my pants on the floor
I can make waffles
with my pants on the door
I can make waffles
any time of day
I can make waffles
dressed any old way
I can make waffles
dressed like clown
I take my waffle iron
anywhere in town
I got a waffle iron

(Chorus)

Well the heavy handed moral
Of my didactic waffle song
Is that the clothes don't make the man
But no clothes can make him wrong

If you can't wear shoes
and you on't wear shirts
at least pull your on pants
unless you wanna get hurt

Cause I hate low riders
I hate low riders
I hate low riders
I hate low riders
Track Name: Bruce Campbell
Let me tell you about a book I once read
Brings back the evil I thought was dead
Bound in bone and human flesh
Should have put it back in the professors desk

Here I am in the cabin in the woods
Open this book, read a few lines
I thought everything was good
But I was staring at my demise

I have to own every Bruce Campbell movie
I like the way he does things
I know if evil ever comes near
Bruce Campbell will save me

I was caught in a bruce Campbell movie the other day
Said a couple words you should never say
Then a vortex opened, right before my eyes
I could see the end of my life

Now I got a chainsaw chasing after me
And I got no hope of escape
I wonder what bruce Campbell would do in this movie
Don’t know, but I know that it’d be great

Oh, plot device, plot device
Movie warp through a magical portal
Plot device plot device
Save the day
Deus ex machina
Track Name: Television From My Childhood
I think so many things
are not totally outrageous
and I think that sometimes
you fools are too too courageous

The animation is failing
things I need today
Never gave me anything
I really needed any-way

so just get out of my head
lessons from the past
I don't need the answers
to the questions I never asked

Chorus:
Why have you failed me
Television from my childhood
I went back and watched those shows
But none of them were that good

Why did you try to sell me
All those plastic things
Why do you ruin my idols
On the silver screen

How come it seems like Cobra Commander rules the world?
and I can't get an action figure to save my girl?
if good always wins, then where's the good for me
oh, I don't GI Joe is tellin me everything

(Chorus)

I’ve never been defeated
On a double dog dare
I’ll defeat all your evil
With a care bear stare

I will kill the skeletons
Rattling my bones
By the power of greyskull
I will make this world my home

I can see decepticons
Every where I look
Chasing after my enerjon
Fighting for my cube

Thundercats HO
We’re all gonna go
Find the people who ruined
All our favorite shows

(Chorus)
Track Name: Love Memo
Chorus:
Did you get my
love memo?
I sent it through the limbo
My instant messages
they just go too slow

I need to tell you
how I feel
I use my big word
so you know its real

My nether tubes
All vibrate for you
Got a dozen hearts
all beatin' in tune

If only my words were smooth
like the love between me and you
I would never never lose
the feelin that only comes from you

I wish I could write good
and read good too
Then I could read the memo
that came from you

(Chorus)

Girl you the most everything
I strain everytime I think
to compare to your pretty pink
You know what I mean, nudge nudge wink wink

Good morning baby
Hope you feel more good
the stuff between me and you
like white oreo Goo

If only my words were great
like the love you and I would make
Like that time in the trailer park,
like the best steak I ever ate

Oh yeah, like tasty chitlins
and uh some chicken wings
I wanna eat you up
more than anything

(Chorus)

Like the sunrise on a purdy lake
love with you I want to make
but the words never seem to come
I think of somethin good but it only sounds dumb

And lovin you long as a rainbow
Givin you pretty smile and go home
only my heart can know
the pretty things that make you so
Did you get my

Love Memo
Track Name: You are in Character
Down at the park
Playin' my LARP
Don't mess with me
I'm in my character's sheet

Here are the rules my friend
in this live action game
remember that, it's a masquerade
You’re usin a made up name

Don’t say hi
If your buddies cruise by
their not in the game
You don’t know their name

You are in character
(You are in character)
You are in character
(You're in character)

If you're not happy with
the people you love
You can't really suck their blood
If real life ain’t good enough

That's why I'm in the park
In character
(In character)
In character

Remember when
you're in character
to feed off homeless men
you might get a dose
of mouthwash or heroin

Watch out for those hippies playin'
in their drum circles
they might, want, you to, join
in there, fun (jerks)

But remember,
Vampires don't drum
(because vampires don't have rhythm)
Vampires don't have rhythm
and Zombies can't strum
a zombie vampire band
wouldn't be much fun
(uuuuuuuuhgggghhh)

That's why I'm in character
that's right I'm in character
I can't tell you who I am
I'm secretly a woman, oh
and I can't acknowledge who you are
'cause I'm in character

In character
In character
(In character)
In character
(In character now)
In character
In character
Track Name: Fragged by a Noob
Chorus:
I got fragged by a noob
I got fragged by a guy with a silly name
I got fragged by a noob
He said I was kinda lame, yeah

I can't point my mouse at you
and hit the button at the same time
but my microphone tells the truth
at least I can put together a dope rhyme

Oh no I think I'm out of ammo
I think I can't shoot my gun
I'm gonna have to pick up my stuff
try to make it on the run

I got fragged by a noob
He played a strange game
He had letters that I couldn't pronounce
Spelled with numbers on his name

I'm not sure what to do
with this rocket launcher I've got
You come running after me with your- la--ser swo-o-ord
man that thing's so hot

I'm shootin you with the biggest gun I Found
You keep hittin me with a pistol
I through a million bullets at your ass
but every single one missed you

You always win because
I only play these games at night
But I don’t have to ask
My parents if it's alright

Oh I found a secret weapon
but in the end what have I got
I found a hundred hiding places
you always get me with a headshot

found a nice little vehicle
guess I'll give it a whirl
I'll still feel good if you beat me
cause I can leave this game
and make out with a real girl

Real girl
make out with a real girl
real girl
Track Name: Stand Back I'm Going to try Science
I got a solution to your problem
If you got a problem with your game
i will tell you the answer
I will whisper them and you will yell my name

I have some hydrochloric acid
I might just melt away your brain
I know it's confusing
but yeah i know that you heard what I said

Chorus:
Stand back, I'm gonna try science
I'm gonna do it just for you
Stand back I'm gonna try science
Bitches don't know about my test tube!

evolution
Keeps me on my toes
but scientologists
make me want to punch them
in the nose

Creation-ist
think your design is intelligent
give them some more funding
but boy don't you wonder where that money went

stand back
I'm gonna try science
I'm gonna give Einstein a bad name
stand back
I'm gonna try science
if this doesn't work, back to the drawing board again

Mix up some more chemistry
to explode behind your eyes
how it works is a mystery
that it works at all is the best surprise

I will lift your heart up against gravity
my friction will work against your plain
we will wonder why it's so strange
to be in each others orbits again

(Chorus)

So i pray to an empty god
who shines some sun down on my soul
I wonder if I can read or write
the wonder that I know

And i walk up to the face of him
I pull out all my instruments
I'll bring back enough evidence
To prove my mind is finally out of reach

And I know
the molar weight
of all your sins

and I know
I can calculate
everywhere you've been

And I know
that meaning
is elusive
when the night is over
and I'm goin home
and you're goin home with him

***
Stand back I'm gonna try science
Stand back, I'm gonna bring it down
stand back I'm gonna try science
gonna bring these chemicals around

Stand back I'm gonna try science
Cause I'me a man of action
Stand back I'm gonna try science
gonna watch this exothermic reaction
Track Name: Action Figures/GI Joe Tranny
I tied a barbie doll to a track of Make Believe train set
When howdy doody comes he’s gonna be upset

I cut off the head of my little pony
put'em in the bed of Ken doll, that phony

Chorus:
I'm an action figure super villian
I take good toys and kill them
I'm not out for the money
or any of that normal evil stuff
I like to play with my toys
a little too rough

I cut the heart right out of a Care Bear
while all of his little friends had to watch and Care Bear Stare

well I had a Teddy Rukspin
I replaced with one of me just cussin'
You've never seen a 5 year old quite so shocked
or a Teddy Rukspin tied up and sunk to the bottom of a lake with a rock

I am Teddy Rukspin
Can I read you a story
about a bad kid
who torched all his friends

There was that time when
during the blizzard of '82
Hoth appeared in my front yard
I was Luke Skywalker
freezin' to death out on the tundra
that ice creature nearly ate me
and now I was waitin' for Ben
My neighbor had to cut open the Taun taun
and stuff me inside
he neglected to tell me it was my dog

Bridge:
Gi Joe tranny
Gi Joe Tranny

Ken goes out for a night on the town
looking for the best reststop to hang around
He drives real fast so he isn't late
he needs to pickup is hasbro date

They really hit it off at once
Lookin for secluded place to go
He's picked up himself
a tranny GI Joe

Ken's findin out that it's not his day
he's in for a plastic suprise
he's dressed like scarlett or lady jay
but comes with the package like snake eyes

But she's not gonna let this one slip
She's got herself a Kung Fu Grip!
Track Name: Robot Guitar
For all I know my guitar is a robot
it transforms into a robot

At night
my guitar transforms
into a robot of doom
it has magical powers
and it can defeat evil robots with ease
it shoots rockets out of its neck
it has treads that come out of the bridge
my robot guitar
(that's gonna be terrible)
My robot guitar

My robot guitar
can defeat you

My robot guitar
landed from the stars
came from outer space
smacked me on the face
I've never been the same
my robot guitar it has a name it's
Guitar

My bass is a robot
it transforms at night
and joins the robot guitar
in a quest
in their battle against evil
evil
in the form of bands that suck

Watch out Dokken
they're comin' for you

My robot bass
has a special power
the strings turn into electric whips
they touch anybody they're fried
it makes them shake their hips

The eyes in the room
are lookin' at the star
their butts are all shakin'
to the bass guitar

My guitar shoots lasers
of pure solid rock
they will hit you
and make you
dance like a jock
right in the cock
but then my robot guitar
can't stand up to the most
power robotic instrument of all
the robotic drums
played by animatronic robot thumbs
makes mad beats that make the street shake
it's name is earthquake

it beats up drum machines wherever it goes
because drum machines
have no souls
of course everything is perfect
in a drum machine
of course everything is perfect
when you have no soul